Hold on... light versus dark

Life is this weird thing, isn't it?  So unexpected.  And surprising.

And sometimes so painfully slow...  and other times fleetingly fast.  Too fast! 

We all think we know how things are going to work out.  We have expectations and set goals.  We make plans.  We set out on a certain path without looking back.  Or maybe, we look back a little.  But we're only human, right?  And they say that hindsight is 20-20.  Of course!  Things are not actually revealed to us in the present moment when we most want to understand, when we desperately want to make sense of everything.... when we are stuck in the not knowing.  But understanding comes with time and perspective.  Sometimes the further you are from something, the more clarity you can see it with.  

So we make goals, look into the future, plan.  Get out there!  We project expectations.  It's what we do.  Of course, goals are great.  Who doesn't like to accomplish a big goal they have had?  I've always been a bit of a dreamer, looking forward to a bright future.  Motivation to charge forward and make a new path, that's impressive.  I admire those who live with such intensity and without fear.  That takes guts.  It takes faith.  And courage.  A certain boldness.  

But waiting and being patient takes more guts than I ever realized.

Waiting... in those times when you want to charge forward and make a new path but it just isn't quite time.  Somehow it is clear that you must be patient.  And wait.  Without knowing what will come next.  Yikes, yuck, blah.  Who wants to wait without knowing?  It's such a dark place, a dark season.

And people tend to say all sorts of cliche things.  Be patient.  Good things come to those who wait.  If it is meant to be, it will be.  Have a little faith.  Be strong.

Aahhh, yes.  That sounds easy.  

Lately I have been listening to 'Hold on to what you believe' by Mumford and Sons constantly.  I play it over and over.  And then I play it again (I'm kind of a binge music listener when I find new stuff I like... is it an illness?  I'm not sure but I think it's cuter when described as a quirk!).  This song sucks me in with its catchy tune, just like all of their songs.  But their lyrics are what keep my attention.  And this song is no different.

It offers words of encouragement to me when my words are failing, when my strength is low.  It reminds me that we are all the same.  The message is to remember who you are... what you believe in.  Have strength.  Take comfort in what you know and believe.  But it's really about what you knew...and believed in when things were good and you felt confident and secure.  Because when you are in a season of darkness, it is easy to lose sight.  It's easy to forget.  To lose confidence and faith.  But that isn't who you are.  You can't forget...

These lyrics are incredible!  And so true.

---

'But hold on to what you believe in the light

when the darkness has robbed you of all your sight'

---

Waiting can be dark.  But I hold on.  And I believe.  And I wait.  Because I can't see the full picture right now... I don't know what the future holds.  But I'm feeling pretty good.  And I'm willing to be patient.  And I'm willing to live in only this exact moment.... ahhh the power of presence.

If you haven't heard this song, listen to it!  If you don't listen to Mumford and Sons, start!  One word - amazing.  Their lyrics are amazing.  I'll be seeing them live in August and I absolutely cannot wait.  I get seriously giddy when I start to think about it!  Woot woot!


On another note, I think it's time to start My365 project again.  A new day 1?  Or pick up where I left off?  Hmmm....  decisions.  ;)

time and energy

Time and energy.

Two resources that limit us all.  Kind of rate-limiting factors if you will.

A kind person reminded me of this recently because I am so often anxious to do so much.  But... I am human and I only have so much time in my day.  I only have so much energy, energy that has to be split up among many things.

My 365 project is on hiatus right now and obviously has been for awhile.  I gave myself permission to step away from it as my energy needs to be directed elsewhere these days.

There are more important projects calling my name... more important skills to work on, ways to grow, strengths to cultivate.  And these tasks are keeping me extraordinarily busy these days.  So for now, I take pause from the My 365 project.  But I am sure I will begin it again in the future when I can focus some time and energy towards it.

Start Close In... small victories in the slow and quiet

I'm still taking my photos but not posting them here in the abyss much (or at all).  I miss the posting and so  will be trying to take the first step to get back to it.

Tonight I am rejoicing in a small (and somewhat silly) victory.  In my yoga class tonight, I finally figured out the trick to crow.  More than that, I felt it.  I felt how it should be done.  I felt the difference in my body, my balance. Such a subtle shift of my weight made a world of difference.  And I held crow.  Not for very long, mind you.  But I was there.  Baby steps.  Letting go.

There has been a lot going on lately.  It's still my great 'slow down' as I was affectionately calling it a month or two ago.  Of course it isn't so slow.  But it has been quiet.  So some slowness and some quiet.  And I have found that the combination has been good for my soul.  I need more, I'm almost craving it.  There are other things I'm longing for as well and perhaps I'm on sort of a mission to find them.  Simplicity.  Impact.  Inspiration.  Gratitude.  Balance.  Letting go (forgiveness?).  During this slow and quiet time, I will continue to cultivate those and other things.  I will continue to seek wise counsel and to laugh with friends.  After all, sometimes there is magic in the chaos.

I heard this poem a few weeks ago and I really like it... maybe you will too.

---

Start close in

---

Start close in,
don't take the second step
or the third,
start with the first
thing
close in,
the step you don't want to take.

 

Start with
the ground
you know,
the pale ground
beneath your feet,
your own
way of starting
the conversation.

 

Start with your own
question,
give up on other
people's questions,
don't let them
smother something
simple.

 

To find
another's voice
follow
your own voice,
wait until
that voice
becomes a
private ear
listening
to another.

 

Start right now
take a small step
you can call your own
don't follow
someone else's
heroics, be humble
and focused,
start close in,
don't mistake
that other
for your own.

 

Start close in,
don't take the second step
or the third,
start with the first
thing
close in,
the step you don't want to take.

 

~ David Whyte ~

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Days 86-91 - My 365, How do you measure a year?

Days 86-91
Monday January 9 - Saturday January 14, 2012

This week was crazy busy.  Intense.  Hectic.  Stressful.  Tiring.  Surprising.  Fun.  Unexpected.


A little play on the reflection in the lamp base.  Love.

Take out Thai food.  Yes please!

Today's snow was so peaceful and beautiful.  There wasn't any wind and so it all stayed lined beautifully on the trees.  That might be one of my favorite things about snowfall.  I love the quiet of it and the way it makes the trees look completely different and new.

So far, I have been enjoying the slow down.  Even though it isn't particularly slow.  It's still pretty great.

Three weeks, she sleeps (Days 62-85)

So now it has been three weeks since I've been keeping up to date with my photo project.  Still taking pics for the most part, but haven't felt much like posting.  

Plus I'm feeling a little quiet.  A little reserved.  

And in my head, I keep hearing the song...

3 weeks, she sleeps

through the rain

I've gotta try to keep her dry

or I'm out of ways

self books, love cooks

steel her away

through you know, where you go 

all in a day

Three weeks... catching up.  Kind of.   Days 62-85.

By the way, the Stieg Larsson books were part of the reason I wasn't posting or always taking pictures.  Those books were amazing and they owned me until I finished them!  SO GOOD!  :)